Tech Tantrums
Well I'm back with another story for you.
On Cyber Monday, I headed into the city to get my computer situation finalized once and for all.
This is something I've been majorly avoiding. OOPS!
Why? Well, I guess because I'm a Mac user and the computers are so dang expensive.
(I knew there was more to the story, which is why I knew I needed to write this!)
I've been running a 2012 MacBook Air for far too long. The battery was toast, so I took it in to have the battery replaced. It's had a really good life but it still works fine for teaching and traveling to display my presentations. Otherwise, it isn't very useful beyond basic tasks.
Yes, I also have an iMac desktop. Don't worry--I don't try to run my businesses with a 2012 dinosaur computer! LOL.
However, HOLY DYNA did I have some wild mind stories racing through my mind with having to make a decision on a computer.
I'm not even computer illiterate, so what the heck gives?!
Well, I sat with this and got curious:
Why is this such a trigger for me?
My ego was quite obviously scared, but why?
Well the first answer that popped up was that I felt untrusting of Apple devices... but... I also didn't feel much better about PC laptops either.
I'd purchased an iPad Pro when I was heavy into self-publishing children's books a few years ago because it allowed me to communicate with my illustrators in a seamless way using the illustration app on the iPad to relay feedback. Well, if the dang motherboard didn't die after barely 4 years and it will no longer connect to wifi or bluetooth, which makes it largely useless. It was very expensive, sooo cue the trust issues.
The second reason that popped up was that I felt misinformed. I didn't know enough and hadn't done enough research yet to feel solid on making a decision. Apple or PC? iPad or MacBook Air or MacBook Pro? Other solutions?
As my brain got flooded with overwhelm, I thought "hopefully my iPad and laptop are fixed and in tip top shape so I don't have to deal with this. (Good old avoidance strategy... good try, Kristin. My devices were not fixed).
My third pop up was that I was going to Best Buy, and I often feel as though the employees are on commission, which always just feels sleazy, pressured, and untrustworthy to me.
(This is clearly showing me some beliefs I have about sales and selling that I need to investigate!)
Lastly, I was noticing a big mind story showing up around spending this much money on myself, even if I could rationalize that I truly needed a computer upgrade for my business.
I've had a fair amount of expenses lately, and I found I've had a ton of hesitation on buying things that I need (essentials even) versus buying things for my kids or for Christmas gifts.
Isn't it interesting how these mind stories come to the surface when we are venturing beyond what feels safe and comfortable for us?
Well after my mind had a bit of a freak out hissy fit, I took some deep breaths and asked myself what I needed to do or receive to help my mind feel safer.
Clearly it was a mind tantrum that was tripping me up, and so that meant that my mind was scared and needed some nurturing.
Hey mind, I see you're scared and flared right now, but hey I've got you. I'm here. How can I support you?
Mind: Ask some questions. I need more information.
When I was in Vermilion last month, I learned about human design and I learned some pretty neat things about myself.
If you know a thing or two about human design, then just let me share that I am a generator. I like to get in a zone working on something that I'm hella passionate about, and I could work on it for hours, feeling incredibly frustrated if I get interrupted. I also learned that my 1/3 profile numbers are about being an investigator who likes to learn, be informed, and be a sponge while also needing to try things for herself and figure it all out by trial and error.
In reflecting on my 1/3 profile, I knew that I was feeling like a fish out of water because I didn't have enough information to make a solid, informed decision on buying a laptop. I was feeling shaky.
Because I felt uninformed, I felt like there was an opportunity to be swayed into something that wasn't what was truly best for me. Therefore, I was not trusting myself enough to make the right decision.
It didn't feel like there was room for trial and error with a purchase this big, so the fear was sure creeping in and likely pushing on some old perfectionist wounds around having to make the "smartest, most logical choice!"
So what did I need? Back to this:
Hey mind, I see you're scared and flared right now, but hey I've got you. I'm here. How can I support you?
Mind, twitching and short-circuiting:
I need more information.
Alright, mind. You've got it.
When I stopped at the tech store to check on my iPad and dinosaur laptop, they told me my laptop battery had not arrived yet, so it was not ready for pickup. DANG.
Then he mentioned that my iPad had a motherboard issue and it was not fixable. Double dang.
Well, I asked a bunch of questions to understand what was happening with my devices, and as I received some information, it really felt as if this man knew what he was talking about. So, I asked him about 14 more questions on his recommendations for devices.
He shared some great information with me and my research session had officially begun with the help of a trustworthy source.
My mind felt more calm until I started researching prices of what he had recommended. Cue the money triggers!
After settling down my nervous system with a MindScaping walk through Homesense, I drove to Best Buy, and proceeded to ask a ton of questions to a salesman.
This very well-informed employee told me they are not on commission, and he was very helpful and informative. He asked what I would be using my computer for so that he could properly direct me to a computer that would be best for me.
There were a few key things that made my brain feel safe in this interaction:
1) He didn't try to upsell me. He was actually mindful of cost and suggested solutions that were more budget-friendly that would still work very well for me.
2) He shared what type of computer he has, his honest review of it, and what he uses it for.
3) He told me which computers had more than what I would need in terms of processing power. I felt I could truly trust this information.
But, in the end, I had to make the choice for myself. So after mulling it all over, asking a million questions, and making a few phone calls, I finally came to a decision that felt right for me.
I also had to honour the fact that sometimes I am a slow processor when it comes to triggered decision making, as I really don't like to feel rushed or pressured. Yes, it may have been a logically-driven decision, but it was what I needed to make to chill out my mind and move forward.
When I walked out of the store with the computer in hand, I felt sweaty and uncomfortable.
But, when I got home, plugged the computer in, and started getting it setup. It was so seamless and easy, synced up with all my apply devices, and my new laptop is fast as lightning. Relief washed over me.
Thank you, brain, for keeping me 'safe'. You worked so hard yesterday.
What a gift it is to witness this mind of mine with self-awareness, even when it is really triggered. I am very grateful for my tools.
What kinds of things or purchases are so far outside your comfort zone that your mind has a tantrum?
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